The Art of Hurling

Sometimes I just have to write about something other than racing or I will go insane. This week gives me the chance to write about a topic I've always wanted to explore, the best barf scenes in movie history!

As a former broadcaster I wasn't allowed to say "barf" on the air, however I can in print! I can also write "puke," "expansive saliva," and "upchuck."

I love vomit scenes in movies. It's not funny when it happens to me, but in the movies I think it is a gas (that is a topic for a future column). Here are the top five best Puke scenes in the movies according to me:

The fifth best regurgitation scene in the movies belongs to:

Team America - World Police.

Generally I can say that try as they might, the creators of South Park can't put together a good movie outside of their fictional Colorado playground, however two scenes steal this movie: the marionette sex scene, and the puke scene.

The hero of the picture has trouble coming to terms with what his country wants him to become. He goes on a bender and falls in the street and pukes yellow liquid all over himself.

When he stops, there is a pause, and then another long pull of puke.

Then another.

Then another.

Then another until finally the camera pulls above him and you see that he is lying in a whole street of slippery esophagus scum.

Two things make this scene a top five selection because I don't believe they have ever happened in the movies before (if movies were baseball there would be someone keeping stats of such a thing): a marionette has never puked in a movie, and we've never seen a helicopter pull away shot from above the puker.

The fourth best "blowing chunks" scene in the movies belongs to:

The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.

Having a person made of yarn vomit, with the vomit material being string coming out of his mouth is probably the cleverest representation of puke that has ever been done and is worth seeing the movie in and of itself. It is a special effect that makes one wonder "how did they do that?" Eat your heart out Industrial Light & Magic.
Star Wars: Phantom Menace could have been improved if someone puked on young Skywalker whenever he walked on film.


The third best scene involving someone "thrusting their stomach contents out of their mouth" in the movies belongs to:

Monty Python: The Meaning of Life.

When Mr. Creosote enters the movie you know there is going to be trouble.

The request for a bucket because he's "got to throw up in it," is only the beginning of a scene that is not for the squeamish.
Be honest. Who among you after eating too much hasn't just wanted to throw up and relieve yourself?
Puking on John Cleese's shoes and the cleaning woman before the scene is thirty seconds old is enough to make any stomach uneasy.
The most disgusting part for me is not the continuous vomit, but John Cleese picking a piece of meat off of Mr. Creosote's ribs (after Creosote has exploded) and eating it!
I believe this scene holds the record for the most barfs in one scene.

The second best "leftover fluid" scene in the movies belongs to:

The Sandlot.

The scene where the kids go to the fair and ride the giant swing while chewing tobacco is a classic not because of seeing the kids puke (which you don't),
but of seeing buckets of brown goo being dumped on the unsuspecting people below!

The kids coming off of the ride with brown vomit stained shirts is a nice touch.

This Disney movie has the second best vomit scene because it wasn't what you saw that made this scene funny; it was what you didn't see! If you actually saw the kids vomit there would be no way that you would believe that all that puke was generated by so little kids.
Since you don't see them however, the director can have fun and exaggerate the scene.
You can relate to this scene because I bet you've been walking near such a ride and hoped (however faintly) that no puke would land your way.

The best "chunky milkshake" scene is in the movie:

Stand By Me

Without a doubt, the "larda**" scene (I can't print that word on this website)
is the greatest barf scene in movie history. By the time the story plays out, you can't help but revel in the fact that Davey Hogan gets his revenge by blowing chunks over Bill the pie eating champion and causing a mass puke-o-rama in the crowd.
It makes you want to jump out of your seat and cheer for Davey's victory,
just like the ending of "Rocky" or "The Karate Kid" made you do.

In terms of total ounces, this scene has to have the largest quantity of "throat goo" in cinema history. The sheer volume and thickness of the puke coming out of the characters mouths also gives this scene the volume (so to speak) to take this scene to the top of the list.

There you have it. A column I've always wanted to write. Thanks for the catharsis!

I hope you were entertained enough by this list to immediately go out to your video source and compare for yourself! Be sure to stuff yourself first, just to see if you can hold all that potential "tonsil turkey" down.

Steve "The Wrench" Ratchett