The Art of Hurling

Sometimes I just have to write about something other than racing or I will go insane. This week gives me the chance to write about a topic I've always wanted to explore, the best barf scenes in movie history!

As a former broadcaster I wasn't allowed to say "barf" on the air, however I can in print! I can also write "puke," "expansive saliva," and "upchuck."

I love vomit scenes in movies. It's not funny when it happens to me, but in the movies I think it is a gas (that is a topic for a future column). Here are the top five best Puke scenes in the movies according to me:

The fifth best regurgitation scene in the movies belongs to:

Team America - World Police.

Generally I can say that try as they might, the creators of South Park can't put together a good movie outside of their fictional Colorado playground, however two scenes steal this movie: the marionette sex scene, and the puke scene.

The hero of the picture has trouble coming to terms with what his country wants him to become. He goes on a bender and falls in the street and pukes yellow liquid all over himself.

When he stops, there is a pause, and then another long pull of puke.

Then another.

Then another.

Then another until finally the camera pulls above him and you see that he is lying in a whole street of slippery esophagus scum.

Two things make this scene a top five selection because I don't believe they have ever happened in the movies before (if movies were baseball there would be someone keeping stats of such a thing): a marionette has never puked in a movie, and we've never seen a helicopter pull away shot from above the puker.

The fourth best "blowing chunks" scene in the movies belongs to:

The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.

Having a person made of yarn vomit, with the vomit material being string coming out of his mouth is probably the cleverest representation of puke that has ever been done and is worth seeing the movie in and of itself. It is a special effect that makes one wonder "how did they do that?" Eat your heart out Industrial Light & Magic.
Star Wars: Phantom Menace could have been improved if someone puked on young Skywalker whenever he walked on film.


The third best scene involving someone "thrusting their stomach contents out of their mouth" in the movies belongs to:

Monty Python: The Meaning of Life.

When Mr. Creosote enters the movie you know there is going to be trouble.

The request for a bucket because he's "got to throw up in it," is only the beginning of a scene that is not for the squeamish.
Be honest. Who among you after eating too much hasn't just wanted to throw up and relieve yourself?
Puking on John Cleese's shoes and the cleaning woman before the scene is thirty seconds old is enough to make any stomach uneasy.
The most disgusting part for me is not the continuous vomit, but John Cleese picking a piece of meat off of Mr. Creosote's ribs (after Creosote has exploded) and eating it!
I believe this scene holds the record for the most barfs in one scene.

The second best "leftover fluid" scene in the movies belongs to:

The Sandlot.

The scene where the kids go to the fair and ride the giant swing while chewing tobacco is a classic not because of seeing the kids puke (which you don't),
but of seeing buckets of brown goo being dumped on the unsuspecting people below!

The kids coming off of the ride with brown vomit stained shirts is a nice touch.

This Disney movie has the second best vomit scene because it wasn't what you saw that made this scene funny; it was what you didn't see! If you actually saw the kids vomit there would be no way that you would believe that all that puke was generated by so little kids.
Since you don't see them however, the director can have fun and exaggerate the scene.
You can relate to this scene because I bet you've been walking near such a ride and hoped (however faintly) that no puke would land your way.

The best "chunky milkshake" scene is in the movie:

Stand By Me

Without a doubt, the "larda**" scene (I can't print that word on this website)
is the greatest barf scene in movie history. By the time the story plays out, you can't help but revel in the fact that Davey Hogan gets his revenge by blowing chunks over Bill the pie eating champion and causing a mass puke-o-rama in the crowd.
It makes you want to jump out of your seat and cheer for Davey's victory,
just like the ending of "Rocky" or "The Karate Kid" made you do.

In terms of total ounces, this scene has to have the largest quantity of "throat goo" in cinema history. The sheer volume and thickness of the puke coming out of the characters mouths also gives this scene the volume (so to speak) to take this scene to the top of the list.

There you have it. A column I've always wanted to write. Thanks for the catharsis!

I hope you were entertained enough by this list to immediately go out to your video source and compare for yourself! Be sure to stuff yourself first, just to see if you can hold all that potential "tonsil turkey" down.

Steve "The Wrench" Ratchett

Perkins Exhibit at Rapids Museum

The Rapids Racing Museum recently acquired the cars formerly raced by Indyslotcar star, and ISF starter, Tony Perkins. The cars were put on display in the winners circle outside the museum in a recent weekend tribute to the driver.

"This is a special collection from a beloved driver that we thought would be good to start this new series of spotlighting the machinery of popular drivers," said museum curator D. Riven.
"We were pleasantly surprised as you can see from the above picture. Advance ticket sales were sluggish as I don't think people knew what to expect. Then when word got out you can see the crowds that came!"

This exhibit contains the cars Tony is most famous for including Target and Players.
The one car that no longer exists is the Duracell car, otherwise known in lore as the "working man's car." That car was recycled long ago and is part of the Shine museum on Sanibel Island.

The Perkins Exhibit does contain some rarities from him. The PACWEST starter, and an unknown car mounted in a pit crew display.

Some other cars in this historic collection include the stock cars Perkins races in ARA (American Racing Alliance) competition. The Penzoil and Havoline cars were used in the ARA Superstock division. There was also an unraced TYCO sponsored car that whose chassis was used in other divisions.

Another car was Perkins car from the Heavy Metal Challenge Series division of the ARA. Many of these original NASCAR style cars from the early ARA seasons no longer exist so it is a nice treat for the fans to see this one.

The Perkins exhibit also contained his very own Penske LMP and BMW F1 ISF cars. Perkins made one start in each of these cars. He has four total starts in ISF. The other two being with Arrows ISF F1. Perkins was the last driver as of 2013 to drive for Arrows.

One car that brought a lot of interest was Perkins' Williams Indyslotcar. Back when F1 teams were allowed into Indyslotcar, Perkins thought the original Indyslotcar F1 team of Ferrari needed a rival. Williams was Ferrari's rival in F1 so Perkins led the Williams charge into Indyslotcar. His most famous heat win against all three Penske cars and parties with The Spice Girls were in this period.

Also in the collection was Perkin's ISF test hack. Not ever raced but interesting for fans.

"We couldn't be happier with the fans response to the Perkins exhibit," said D. Riven. "We just got proof that we should do more of these special outdoor exhibits."

Steve The Wrench Ratchett

Kamikawa Back to Ferrari in 2014

Ferrari ISF announced Ferrari super star Everet Kamikawa will once again pilot one of their Italian marquee's ISF F1 racers in 2014. The deal is believed to be a two year deal.

After swearing that he wouldn't return to the red cars after the prancing horse hired Fernando Alonso the champion was asked why he returned.

"They brought back Kimi in F1 and he is a champion so they did the same with me in the ISF," Kamikawa started explaining. "I hate Alonso because he only won his two F1 titles because in 2005 the FIA changed the tire and pit stop rules to stop Ferrari. Then he won in 2006 because his team cheated for half the season and he had his teammate cut Schumi's tire for good measure at the last race just so Schumi wouldn't be able to end his career with a win. Then the Mclaren design scandal which he was the star turncoat for the FIA. Then Crash gate at Renault where he once again provided the evidence to sell out his team. Now he can't haul Ferrari F1 up the grid. Remember how he couldn't pass Petrov in Abu Dhabi? Now that Kimi is back I feel the team will improve. I don't think it will be pretty. Kimi's calm demeanor will drive the fiery temper of Alonso nuts. Kimi won't give way to Alonso. Alonso will get mad and leave or Kimi will just say screw it and leave. Either way I want a front row seat for this show. Oh yeah, the new car should be pretty good too.

Steve the wrench Ratchett

Fitzlaff Doubles Wins in 2014 Opener

Mike Fitzlaff continued where he left off the 2013 ISF season, as the dominant force in the races with wins in the F1 and LMP divisions in the 2014 ISF season opener at the It's Nacho Cheese, It's My Cheese West Bend Grand Prix presented by RacingWisconsin.com.

Fitzlaff took pole positions for both events on a night that featured four rookies, three of which made their ISF debut.
Fitzlaff used the pole positions to put the veterans and rookies to shame as he ran away with the the win in the F1 event over John Wiedemann, Everet Kamikawa, and Mike Lack.

Fitzlaff then converted his pole position to win the LMP season opener by another big margin over Wiedemann, Lack, and third place finisher Mike Dibb making his second ISF start.
"I like these LMP cars more than the F1 cars," Dibb said.

 

Mike Dibb made his ISF debut several seasons ago and returned to the series this year. Dibb has raced in other series and showed confidence in this ISF show when he constantly stared at Mike Lack during their heat race. Dibb said the trick worked before as it did un-nerve the veteran driver Lack. Joining him were fellow rookies Todd Wolf, Kenny Dibb, and Keith Lindbeck.

 

Wolf was nervous before his debut, but steadily gained confidence and finished both the heat race and the semi final in each division. He didn't say much on the night but Wiedemann summed up the driver's debut by telling one reporter that "Todd did a good job and was steady all race and improved."





 
 "This isn't my first rodeo," was Kenny Dibb's comment after qualifying. The rookie driver had a better than average ISF debut by running strong during several stints in the heat races of both classes, while also having bouts of rookie mistakes. 

Lindbeck had a more typical rookie debut with more mistakes than glory, but the new driver making his debut in racing cars did show flashes of speed and a tendency for keeping the paddock loose. Whit his inaugural race "in the can," look for better outings from this driver.

The next race is the Maxim St. Francis Grand Prix at the Inside Edge on October 30th.

Until next time...It's not bad being in the pits!
Steve The Wrench Ratchett

INTERNATIONAL SPORTSCAR FEDERATION
Official Finish, Event # 2014-01
It's Nacho Cheese It's My Cheese West Bend Grand Prix presented by RacingWisconsin.com
September 26, 2013
Lack Track

F1 Grand Prix Category -- 16 Minute Final
Pos. Driver Car

1. Mike Fitzlaff-Jordan Peugot
2.  John Wiedemann-Jaguar 
3.  Everet Kamikawa-Ferrari
4. Mike Lack-Jaguar
5. Todd Wolf-Caterham
6. Kenny Dibb-Force India
7. Keith Lindbeck-MaRUssia
8. Mike Dibb-Force India

Fastest Qualifier -- Fitzlaff
B Main Winner --Wiedemann

Heat Winners -- Kamikawa, Fitzlaff

LMP Category -- 12 Minute Final
Pos. Driver Car

1. Mike Fitzlaff-Nissan Peugeot
2.  John Wiedemann-KIA Peugeot
3.  Mike Dibb-Audi
4. Mike Lack-Toyota Peugeot
5. Todd Wolf-Design Engine Peugeot
6. Keith Lindbeck-MaRUssia
7.  Kenny Dibb-Audi R15
8. Everet Kamikawa-Audi R15 Black 

Fastest Qualifier -- Fitzlaff
B Main Winner --Wiedemann

Heat Winners -- Lack, Fitzlaff